The Music Rant

Ok people, over the years I have been noticing a trend. A very repulsive, angry, pathetic, trend toward putting everything that once was in music, in it's supposed "place". As if somehow the critics and the critic wannabee's and the fans that think they know something about my generation and the music that came out of it, are much cooler than us yokels and therefore would have never been fooled by the likes of Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, or "Johnny Cougar" known to us as Mellancamp.

Here's the deal folks, I was there! This shit was fantastic. You spend an entire summer surfing the radio stations searching for anything to listen to other than Donna Summer and Barbara Streisand tell me over and over that "Enough is Enough". You know what ladies, enough was enough! Believe me the minute the godsend that is Petty hit the airwaves your hair would have stood up on the back of your neck and you too would discover what music could and should sound like.

History speaks for itself. The year Petty's "Refugee" actually charted he was out done in sales by what is easily one of the worst songs the great Paul McCartney ever wrote, "Coming Up". The actual title of worst is clearly saved for "The Girl is Mine", but that's another blog. And the co-author of that pathetic "cut me now" song, Mr. Michael Jackson? What was he doing on the charts in 1980? Well, "The Wall", while it was not a bad album was not his best, "Rock With Me" was a slick dance number that I definitely could roller skate with the cute boys to but "She's out of my Life"? Come on Mike, that's bad stuff even if we actually believed today that she was ever in your life. We're talking about an artist that was the minnie James Brown, warbling a sappy ballad like that one. These are the songs we were being forced to listen to if we simply let our radio run!

Believe it or not, Herb Alpert's "Rise" is among the highest ranking in 1980! Did we really care what song Laura got raped to. Most of us didn't actually see the rape, we tuned in to watch after Merv Griffin had that cute Aussie rocker Rick on and announced that we could catch him on GH every afternoon. How cool was that! He's gorgeous, he's got a great tune out, and we can watch him with the sound off and never be lost on the plot! Ok maybe the college campuses were filled with die hard GH fans but those people were horribly sleep deprived and on some serious drugs at the time. As a generation they've since gotten clean and we now understand how it all happened but it's time for them to fess up and set the record straight.
Seriously, if the Captain and Tennille did that to me, "…One more Time", I was gonna hurt someone. Of course Petty and Springsteen are considered hero's to our generation!

In the midst of Chrstopher Cross pining about "Sailing", Springsteen and Mr. Joey Ramone somehow crossed paths in the magical land of cool. As a result the great and powerful Bruce writes "Hungry Heart". It's far cooler to be penning about a "… river that don't know where it's goin" than a sail boat. Rivers are just cooler man. And this new generation sarcastically refers to Bruce as fluff because he made one album they even realize exists, and the long since forgiven mistake of dancing badly with Courtney Cox! Come now, there is so much more to the mighty mighty Bruce than this. And if you only know "Born in the USA" (which actually is a good album) then you are that proverbial fool that opens his mouth and erases all doubt.

In 1980 the tides were definitely turning in that river of rock. Teri De Sario and K.C (of the infamous Sunshine Band) keep declaring "Yes, I'm Ready", while poor little Johnny Cougar ain't even charted with "Ain't even done with the night" How can that be? But only one short year later Mr. Mellencamp does begin to creep up the charts. While we do continue to share space with the likes of "Elvira" and the Oakridge Boys the list is full of interesting sounds like Devo's "Whip it" and Blondies "Rapture", the first and only decent Rap song in my opinion. But then the present music industry would never give "street cred" to a white, blond, female, former Playboy Club Bunny as having ushered in the sound of Kanye and P. Diddy now would they?

In my very strong opinion, the facts are clear. If you didn't live it, check your history and it's facts. Petty really was an amazing and innovative sound, Springsteen really was singing to blue collar catholic kids all over the states and Mellencamp was just cool. And if you had been there, you would have loved them too.

And just for the record mullets were not mullets until 1992 when Billy Ray Cyrus went to Super Cuts and sat down in the chair of one Norma Jean Hairdresser who'd finally gotten a good job at the age of 19 once her baby went off to kindergarten. Up until that day a mullet was a shag and it was cool and styled and blow dried. And it blended yes, blended effortlessly into the longer back layers. It did not wing out from behind the ears of our rockers and drop straight down with leftover perm frizz hanging in the back. It was not our way of keeping our white collar jobs with a crew cut but "don't touch the pony tail in back honey cause my old lady likes it long." And yes, we used mousse and Aqua Net! But don't be a fool, check the ingredients on your bottles of expensive "hair product", they are essentially the same thing, alcohol.

What happened to doing it ourselves?

I opened my homepage this morning and again this afternoon and I was completely disgusted by the news articles I saw. Really, devices for shutting off our children's television! So we don't have to argue with them! Whatever happened to simply laying ground rules? Are we really this weak? We can't shut the TV off ourselves! And a law to outlaw cologne in school! We need a law for this? There can't simply be a rule put in place. We've really come to a place in society where we're calling 911 for cologne!!! "Yes, officer this young man put on some AXE, we'd like to press charges."

I remember when my husband and I were youth leaders at our church. I had two young men, brothers, in our group who seemed remarkably immature. We loved them just as we loved all the kids but we also encouraged them to reach a higher potential. We often had church overnight activities at which all the kids would participate in a fund raising event, usually for a needy family, and as a treat got to spend the night in the church (with much supervision!) and go to service as a group the next day. On this particular venture, after a hard afternoon of car washing, we all settled in for a pizza dinner. Our two brothers had ordered a particular favorite expecting to split it. The oldest of the two, who was nearly 16, came to my husband, knife in hand and asked "Can you split our pizza for us, cause our mom says we'll just fight about it?"
Needless to say we were floored. But hubby then did something that apparently people are having trouble doing today. He said "No.", calmly and lovingly, this was a church group after all so it would have been rude if his head had actually exploded off his shoulders as I was sure it wanted to. "You two boys are old enough to split a pizza in half without worrying about who gets the bigger pieces or fighting about it." And lo and behold a miracle happened. The boys sat down quietly and ate their pizza, no fights, no cutting required, and the oldest boy even got an extra piece when the younger of the two decided he was full. No one died or even got maimed.
A lesson for all, grow a pair and lay down the laws yourself. Turn off the TV and right up some rules. It doesn't hurt and you may be surprised at how smoothly it will go. And one last thing, 911 is not your mommy, so stop the childish tattling!

The Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation For Autism

A few years back, I found a link to The Doug Flutie Jr Foundation that told about a program that donates new computer's to families of children with Autism. I have a son with (now!) High Functioning Autism who was fascinated with animation so of course was very interested. He needed to be sponsored by a school or non profit group, no problem. And some paperwork needed to be submitted, well worth it. Literally within a few weeks a huge package arrived at my door! It was a beautiful brand new computer, not a refurb or a no name a but a real honest to goodness brand name computer! My son was off and running. Several film classes and a few film festivals later he is considered a promising future film maker in his school and among other animator's (see the pic above of him, on the left, receiving his award at the most recent film festival). Here is his latest work! Pardon the language, he is after all, a teenager!

If you live in the New England area or NY you may be able to qualify for this program. Follow the link below to look into it. If you'd like to make a donation, follow the second link.


Thank you Doug and Laurie Flutie!


http://www.flutiefoundation.org/Programs-Laurie-Flutie-Computer-Initiative.asp
http://www.flutiefoundation.org/Donate-Donate-Online.asp

Our Government and the Duck Poop!

What would happen if we were to seek out our Governments help with a simple problem like excess duck poop around America's pond. If the Government's response to the Autism Vaccination link is any indication, the conversation would go something like this.

American People: Sir, we seem to have a poop problem around America's ponds. We think it's the ducks.

Government: Well, we asked the Duck Dealers of America and they say it isn't them. So it must not be the ducks.

American People: Yes, I understand, but the children are getting sick from the duck poop and we need to do something about it.

Government: Well now, that's just a coincidence, the children are already sick, it's just the symptoms of exposure to duck poop. It's not actually the duck poop.

American People: You see Sir, the children are brought to the ponds perfectly healthy normal children, then they become exposed to the duck poop...

Government: Alleged duck poop!

American People: Yes of course, alleged duck poop. And then the children become sick. You see how that works sir?

Government: Well, how do we know the children weren't sick before the exposure to the poop or maybe they had a pre-existing condition that was aggravated by the poop -which we have not established is from the ducks.

American People: Sir, we know the poop is from the ducks. Millions of parents have gone to the pond and seen the ducks poop on the shores. They tell the same story over and over with the same results after their children experience the same exposure to the same duck poop.

Government: Clearly, but there could be some other poop that's been on the shores and is masked by the duck poop. Maybe turtle poop!

American People: Not all the ponds have turtles sir and the ducks are the only thing that are in extreme abundance, it is clearly too many ducks. The children are being exposed to this abundance of duck poop and getting sick. And, even if there was some turtle poop it's not in the same aggressive amounts that the duck poop is.

Government: Well now, as I said, we asked the Duck Dealers of America to test it and they said it wasn't the ducks. Could be frogs.

American People: You clearly see that if they say it was the ducks, and they have sold the abundance of ducks to the ponds, that it puts them at risk for lawsuits. With that in mind, do you really believe that they're giving the American people and it's government an unbiased opinion of what's really happening?

Government: Of course they are, they aren't in the business of hurting children.

American People: I'm sure there not sir however, you can see the point I'm trying to make.

Government: No not really.

American People: Let me try to put it more simply for you then sir. If it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck, it's a duck and if you want the American children to stay healthy, cut the shit!

Cheese in little wrappers!

Originally written 1/7/07

Couldn't decide what to make for supper tonight. Four children and I can't stock enough food to keep them happy. It seems to all be gone 2 days after I buy it. Hubby had the van so I am stuck with Pizza, again, no thank you, or, the corner store. It's cold out so I don't want to go to the corner store either. Oh yeah, I do have teenage children don't I? They're feet work better than mine. After all isn't that why I had children in the first place? Well, no, actually I had them because they were cute, then I kept them because I knew someday I could pass off the chores I hated to them while they found interesting ways of torturing me, like making me go grocery shopping three times a week. Yes, it's their fault I have no food, I'll make them go.

I choose the boys, they're noisy anyway and keep wrestling in my living room, giving each other wedgies and generally shaking the house. I have planned a simple dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches and a special treat, chips, usually reserved for Friday's. The nursing mother in me has not died quietly and I still attempt to force nutrition into them every night. While I admit this is not, by any means a nutritious meal, I feel less guilty because I have never in my life as a mother, fed my children "cheese product". Cheese is dairy, good for you, cheese product is junk.

I give the younger of my two boys money (he is honest to a fault and I know I will get my change!) and explicit instructions on the purchasing of real cheese vs cheese product. Off they go into the cold to walk the half block and purchase the makings for dinner. I force my pink cell phone with the playboy bunny insignia, (my husband still thinks I'm sexy and purchases these lovely treasures; my son's think he's gross!) into the hand of above said younger son just as he is walking out the door. He is horrified. I realize unless his brother is on fire (assuming he didn't set it and doesn't find it incredibly funny) he will not use this phone. If there is confusion over the cheese he will not call. A last ditch attempt to provide nutrition I holler after him, "If they don't have real cheese, just get pasta!"

Twenty minutes later my thoughtful and cold son's arrive home, they, like their father, have remembered everything and even noticed an item or two I did not include but they knew I was out of, milk, and (angels that they are) cream for my coffee! What wonderful future husbands I'm raising! You're welcome girls.

I am not the first one to open the bags from the store, that, of course, falls to my eight year old who must know everything about everything and everyone. I haven't even made it to the kitchen when I hear her squeal with delight, "It's the kind in the little wrappers!" My second daughter runs to her in disbelief, Santa could have walked in the front door and they would have been less delighted. They then begin to sing a brand new song written on the spot in tribute to the cheese product,

"It's in little wrappers, it's in little wrappers!"

and dance, girls do this.

I have lost the battle of the cheese.

I will never again be able to convince them that it is just a nasty rumor, this "cheese in little wrappers".

"Your friends mommy's probably wrap it themselves and tell them it comes that way."

I make the grilled cheese, grimacing and groaning silently that anyone ever thought a cheese product a good idea in the first place, can't improve on nature blah blah blah, I reluctantly feed it to them. It of course is a big success. Actually, it was kind of yummy.